Why I Am Vanishing
So once again I feel like I am not allowed to be my own person and am wrong for my own thoughts and feelings.
So I have spoken about Liam Bennett before and once again he has struck and people are still defending him.
So let me put it like this because of his relationship with Jonathan Hughes, Liam Bennett has:
1. Lied on me several times over this relationship to get people to hate me.
*First time when he drug me into a set up that he didn’t tell me was a set up until a day later and his partner allowed him to be lied on over. I was told by other people if I was really his pup and cared about him I’d warn him off and he wouldn’t listen to me and so he decided to lie on me over his relationship.
2. He made sexual advances at me then ultimatums me saying I needed to accept his relationship with Jonathan or he couldn’t be my alpha.
*He did this again recently with making sexual advances at me.
3. Every time I buy him something or do something with money, he tries to push me to be friends with Jonathan when I don’t want to be friends with the guy as I don’t trust him and he is toxic and talks down to people, something Liam has mentioned quite a few times recently, he drops me. Seriously? I’m not allowed any self-respect?
4. He fabricated things I told him in confidence and blasted it on Facebook.
5. He acts like he understands and gets me and my disorder and now has changed his tune cause I don’t want anything to do with Jonathan.
I bought Liam Bluetooth headphones, a necklace for his birthday, a phone and sent him money and because I don’t want to be friends with his partner due to how he’s constantly hurt me over his relationship and has stated his husband talks to people badly and I don’t want that toxicity in my life he turns around and makes me this awful person and drops me and makes me feel like I am nothing when I did all these nice things for him. I mean the guy even gave my number to his partner and used his marriage as an excuse to make it okay to do so.
Jesus Christ, Liam wanted me to accept he was in relationship then he needs to respect my feelings on it as well and stop forcing me to be friends with his husband, not throw me away over something this small and go around trying to get people to hate on me over it cause that one thing makes me such an awful human being?
And Liam wants to go around claiming cultural differences, what the hell does cultural differences got to do with the immoral crap he’s doing to a good friend over a relationship? And where does him being in a relationship justify what he’s done wrong? And he’s lying claiming “things change” when all this started cause Jonathan got his inheritance money.
Not only this but Liam was the only family I had left as my own family disowned me due to my own cousin throwing me under the bus to my mother and because I wouldn’t sit there and take it I get disowned for standing up for myself.
The problem I am having in all this is no one wants me to be myself and be an individual. I want Liam held accountable for what he’s done and all people are telling me to do is do what I been doing for 30 years and isn’t working, is to just let it go and move on. No, I’m tired of being a doormat and being told to have no respect for myself. I was happy being Liam’s pup and having him as my alpha and I’m suppose to give all that up over his partner who is a bishop and shouldn’t be encouraging all of Liam’s behavior or who should know better than to talk down to people because he’s a bishop? Talk about your typical hypocritical Christian, doesn’t care who’s being hurt as long as he’s getting his way and encouraging Liam to do all this and yes Liam has given evidence Jonathan encourages him.
What is gonna take for people to realize that I’m tired of people doing crap to me and getting no accountability? I don’t want to be a pup if all people are going to do is tell me to move on and let it go, I don’t want to be around that anymore. I don’t want another alpha, I want Liam as my alpha. I’m the victim in all this, where the fuck is my respect and what I want in all this? What about my thoughts and feelings in all this? Why are people protecting Liam and Jonathan and trying to silence me? Liam’s made me feel like nothing, imagine how all the silent complicity, people trying to silence me and people telling me how I should go about things and invalidating my feelings is making me feel. I can tell you, it’s making me feel like nothing too. I want to be free of this and free of this suffocating world that just doesn’t allow people to be their own unique individual selves and doesn’t support individuality. Individuality isn’t just skin color or sexual orientation, individuality is also things like me wanting Liam held accountable and to make things right.
Telling me to just let it go and move on is not allowing me to be an individual, it’s telling me to be like everyone else and not myself and I’m not suppose to be freaking depressed when people don’t want to understand that a person’s thoughts and feelings and what they think is right for them is also what makes them an individual? How do people not understand this? Individuality is also a person’s own thoughts and feelings, not what everyone else thinks is right for them.
This is why I want to vanish cause I’m tired of not being allowed to be myself and made wrong no matter where I turn. I mentally just can’t deal with that anymore.