Laying here thinking, wondering
Why he can’t see how much I love him?
Why can’t he see that he’s my whole world?
Why’s he blinded by the wrong one?
All I ever do is try so hard
To be so good to him
Have you ever felt
Like you’ve known who’s the one?
And while he may not ever know
I settled for second best for him
Compromised my own heart
Just by allowing myself to just be his pup
My feelings played no role
In the things I see that happen
To turn on me when his husband got money
After him making sexual advances
And I sent him money (and a phone)
To do a 180 when they got the money
To change to okay with me not being friends
with his husband
To suddenly it being a problem right then
How no person can find that not sus is crazy
He even gave my number to his husband
Without my permission
He used him being married as an excuse
To invade someone’s privacy
All I wanted was no part of the relationship
He constantly broke my heart over
To not be friends with his husband for how he talks
I compromised my heart, but he couldn’t compromise for me?
The pain of losing him no one understands
To constantly be told to let another go
To move on, no accountability
To constantly be a doormat
I’m tired of it, for all I want
Is just to happy and be his pup
But everyone tells me to give up on my dream
To constantly compromise myself
He broke so many boundaries, many people didn’t know
He makes excuse after excuse
And people turn and bully me
When all this should have stopped once
Money and sexual advances were blasted
I just want him to apologize
Without blaming or faulting me
To just make things right
How can he not see how much I love him?
How can his bishop husband turn around and encourage all this wrong?
How can people not do research on domestic abuse?
How can people not see making me a threat is a sign?
My birthday got ruined and made about them
Instead of about me and getting to meet him
To be forced to drive on my birthday to pick him up
How selfish of an ass can his bishop husband be?
I didn’t ever want any of this and yet since a set up he did
I been the scapegoat for them to avoid and blame
For a relationship that should not be.
They rushed everything about it
Rushed to live together
Rushed to get engaged
Married within a year
All the signs something is wrong is there
But yet I am the one who is getting the hell
Am getting the blame for a 38 years old’s mistakes
And gaslight by a morally corrupt society
In the end, I didn’t ever want all this
I just want to be his pup
I don’t want involved in his relationship
Nor do I want to be friends with his gaslighting, verbally abusive husband, who he openly admitted in his own his words is a “right c*nt”.
I’m not the one who admitted his neighbors noticed how his husband is.
Something that’s not a good sign.
Yet he expected me to want that toxicity in my life
Why can’t he see that all I do is care?
Why can’t he see that a relationship isn’t an excuse to disrespect or wrong someone?
I’m tired of people getting away with wronging me.
I’m tired of people telling me to just let this stuff happen.
I want justice. I want him to make things right.
I compromised myself enough.
I just hope by vanishing that people will see
That if society is silently complicit
Then a world with no consequences is not mentally safe for everyone.
I hope he’ll sees the pain he’s caused
I hope he’ll see how much I love him
For if he doesn’t ever come back
I’ll be mourning him forever…