You know very recently I got sent a messages that the guy who was my alpha, Liam Bennett, had stated that because of his lies I was getting threats of people wanting to take me out cause of his lies.
All of this over the fact I didn’t approve of or like his relationship with his partner, Jonathan Hughes, because all he’s done since he moved in with the guy is hurt me over his relationship. He lied on me when I tried to warn him off, something numerous people told me to do when his partner did things no person who loves another person should do, like allowing Liam to be lied on and then hiding from him that someone admitted to stalking him which Jonathan put off telling Liam cause he felt it would put Liam off meeting him. And this Jonathan guy is a supposed “bishop”. Talk about being the average hypocritical publicly putting out their religion Christian allowing someone’s life to be threatened for your own personal gain…
I have done nothing but be a good friend and pup to Liam since I met him, I did everything to sit there and hope he would see that he was doing the wrong things and treating a friend badly over a relationship and that it isn’t something you should do. But threatening someone’s life cause of a relationship just shows that something isn’t right about their relationship at all.
But you know, the worst part of all this isn’t Liam’s threat, it’s the silent complicity of others, the lack of understanding me and all of what I’ve been through and society having stupid norms that contradict things they claim.
Like this situation with Liam, with my life I have gone from one bad situation to the next since the age of three years old and my life hasn’t gotten any better. What does society tell me to do? “Move on and let it go.” yet that since 2007 has taken me from a relationship where I was beaten and raped to an almost 8 year toxic relationship to where I got left for a high school crush I introduced my partner to. From there I got scammed out of $500 in four years by a romance scammer to where I was falsely accused of raping and assaulting the guy to now this thing with Liam where I am getting death threats. Where is this “Moving on and letting go.” bs working? I’m going from one bad situation to the next.
But society has these stupid norms and yet don’t want to see that me holding onto hope that Liam may still wake up and realize what he’s doing keeps me from following my own dark impulses cause there are days just cause of the silence of others that I just want to take my car and find a cliff to drive off of but I stop myself thinking “If I do that then there’s not ever going to be a chance for you to get Liam back as your alpha.” But people want to take that away cause of Liam’s threat.
You know, just cause of that threat doesn’t take away from what happiness that Liam brought me. Being his pup makes me feel like I have a purpose in life, that it is my place in life to be his pup. Or it takes away how happy he made me when he renamed me. Or just having him there to talk to made me happy. It’s like Carrie Underwood’s “I Just Can’t Live a Lie” says
Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you?
And all about the good times that we’ve been through
Could I wake up without you every day?
And would I let you walk away?
No, I can’t learn to live without
And I can’t give up on us now
Oh, I know I could say we’re through and tell myself I’m over you
But even if I made a vow, I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside,
I fail ’cause I, I just can’t live a lie
Just cause of Liam’s wrongs, I can’t live a lie and say there weren’t good times and stuff or doesn’t make it less painful what he’s doing.
And on the subject of society having contradictory statement: Society tells people to care about themselves but when they do society shuts them down when it doesn’t fit into “social norms”. Caring about yourself also means caring about what you think and feel in your heart is right for you, not what society deems as “appropriate”. This is why people do not want to reach out for help and shut down and bottle up cause as Taylor Swift put it, “we live in a take down culture.” and no person wants to be made to feel worse than they already do by a society that contradicts itself.
Take myself for example, I feel “letting go and moving on” isn’t doing me any good and is only making things worse in my life. I still love Liam and just want back the guy he was before he got into this toxic relationship of his that he’s taking out on me. I don’t like that I am being lied on and made out as this awful person to the point of receiving death threats cause of lies. People tell me to stop caring for him when I told him that I love him and will always be a loyal pup to him but because he didn’t care about me, I am suppose to act no better then him, make all I said out to be a lie and not care about him? How’s that being better than him doing the exact same thing he is doing, minus the death threats.
Also, I have noticed how like on TikTok, a person known as thatveganteacher gets called out on her nonsense when she has made anti-Semitic, racist and homophobic statements, such as comparing the Holocaust and slavery to people eating animals and shaming LGBTQ+ for coming out. It’s like, morally she’s in the wrong and getting called out just like Liam is morally in the wrong yet he’s a white male and I’m the only one calling him out and thatveganteacher is a white woman, seems like a bit of white male privilege is playing in here and not only that it is hypocrisy, she gets called out for her morally wrong things all up and down TikTok yet here I am giving evidence that Liam made a death threat at me and yet it’s not all over TikTok even though that’s morally wrong.
And the thing I keep thinking in all this is, I’m the victim in all this with Liam, where are my rights in this? Where is what I want in all this? My mother says you can’t control people yet I feel controlled all the time by being told how to think, feel and go about things and then being forced to do so by our society. That’s controlling someone right there.
So my thing is this, it comes down to let people be themselves and have their own thoughts and feelings, stop being silently complicit and picking and choosing which morals to speak out on. Wrong is wrong, no matter what it is. I’m sick and tired of the hypocrisy, the controlling and abuse victims get, I am tired of white male privilege and I’m sick and tired of being told how to go about things and forced to do so by a silently complicit society that is doing nothing but teaching kids and everyone else that anything wrong is okay to do cause we’ll just silence the victims and make them the crazy ones and control them.