Why Am I Always the Bad Guy?

I get myself into some of the most dramatic and abusive situations all the time and it just feels like there is something wrong with me.

I grew to love and care for this guy that I met in the pup community after watching him be stood up by his ex and then left by the guy.

Then he gets with another guy who is just as bad as the first guy he was with, I watched this guy sit there and allow a friend of theirs to lie and blast him to the admins of his group and then assert himself on me telling me not to defend my friend. The person who blasted my friend also dropped my friend as his pup and the boyfriend wouldn’t drop the guy even though he still wanted to be with my friend. How is that loving someone and caring about them? No one I talked to and showed all this to thinks it’s right.

Then yesterday this friend goes at me and makes me out as if I pressured him to do something when I never once asked him to do it and making excuses for his boyfriend, even sitting there trying to take the heat off the guy by claiming he instructed the boyfriend to tell people he was no longer my alpha and everyone made me out as a liar even though I was told completely different by my friend.

And he wants me to be okay he’s with this guy when there is so much deception, game playing, and abuse going on. I mean Jesus, he tells me the guy gets jealous of us talking and even gets upset that I and others are in contact with him but he’s not being abused? Sorry, but if he’s got a problem with you having friends and being an alpha to your “pups” sure sounds like abuse and control to me. What’s worse is the giving in to this.

I see all this and more, things I can’t say without breaking my friend’s trust, things he blamed me for even though I never asked him to do them but I’m not allowed to be hurt or upset, to feel like I’m being toyed with and he acts like this dude is the greatest thing in the world yet he’s not seeing what he’s becoming, course maybe he was always this way, but part of me just doesn’t want to believe it. I always try to see the best in people.

He acts like I should forget he once lied on me to the entire community over this guy who did all this crap behind his back and then made excuses for it to him and that I would approve of this relationship and think it’s a good thing for him when he did that and so many other things along with what his boyfriend is doing and his verbally abusive crap to me.

This is the situation he’s put me in and I can’t even say anything to him cause he already says he doesn’t believe me cause he thinks I’m doing all this out of jealous of his boyfriend but the fact is I don’t like his boyfriend cause he’s a jackass who doesn’t love him and I don’t like what he’s becoming in the process.

The worst part is no one will stand up for me in this, they’ll just say let it happen, let it go on, let this person do what they want and to just move on cause what I think and feel doesn’t matter. Who cares it’s hurting me or that I don’t really want this guy out of my life. I never matter, what I think or feel never matters. It’s always about letting people do whatever they want and fuck who gets hurt and I’m always the one in the wrong.

It’s like Shawn all over again. It’s like I can never get out of this pattern unless I just shut everyone out and keep to myself and alone cause no matter what I’m the bad guy and apparently I’m getting what I deserve for caring and just wanting some bit of happiness, which is apparently selfish.

I don’t understand why I’m always the bad guy when immoral things need to be put to a stop.