Feeling Alone and Unwanted
People make it so darn impossible to not feel like your feelings don’t matter cause if they did, why are we still in a world where people are allowed to do whatever they want that is wrong and no one stands up to the wrong?
It’s like with Shawn or Liam, Shawn scammed me out of $500 in four years and people are allowing him to scam others by not spreading the word so there is awareness. Or with Liam, he’s toying with my emotions while at the same time trying to force me to accept his relationship with another guy that he lied on me to so many people on and acting like I should approve of that relationship. And I know people can try and flip this on me saying “Why did you stay after he lied on you?” but that’s why it’s hard to talk to anyone, no matter what a person does wrong, it’s always flipped on the one who’s hurt and all they are told is to let it go and move on.
It’s no wonder people victim blame and shame when it comes to rape or physical abuse, look at what our society is teaching people. It’s teaching people that if someone does something wrong, attack the victims, blame them, put any and all fault on them and giving a clear message to wrongdoers they can get away with whatever they want and no one will stop them.
But that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is that people are so ignorant they don’t realize this is what they are doing.
It’s like people sitting here acting surprised that racism and homophobia is still around in 2020. What did anyone expect? When the only solution to racists and homophobes is to ignore them they aren’t getting any consequences for their actions and are teaching others to be just as ignorant as them. Nothing can change when the universal solution to every problem is to do nothing about it and tell people to just let it go, move on and not waste their energy trying to make the world a better place and a clear message that is being given is that you can do whatever wrong you want and get no consequences.
Honestly, it’s like people are stuck in the same mindset as people who are white supremacist and homophobic where anything different should be taken down, made to feel irrelevant, disliked, hated and/or destroyed in some form. That’s how our society thinks and sitting there thinking that people should go about things the same way is no better then thinking every person should be straight or white. It’s the same ideology just a different situation.
When people like Shawn or Liam get away with what they do, I feel so alone and unwanted, like I have no place on this Earth cause with everything I’ve been through since I was three years old I’m tired of constantly being hurt and blamed for someone else’s wrong. It’s like my mother said “You been put to blame for so much, you’re tired of it.” and I am. I’m tired of people thinking that the only way to change things is to tear down the victims while the wrongdoers get away scot-free.
You can’t bring on change when you’re alone. There is power in numbers but when all society thinks that everyone should handle their problems like everyone else and just let wrongs happen, it honestly is no wonder that homophobia and racism is still around.
Things can’t change if you do the same thing over and over and the only solution to all problems is to let them happen and do nothing about it.
I’m so tired of hearing “Let it go.” and “Move on.” I’m so tired of being told that I don’t care about myself when all I feel like is a doormat that people can just walk all over. I’m tired of feeling like this and how many people truly care? Hardly anyone cause who’s standing up to these wrong? Only me. By myself. Any wonder I’m unhappy and constantly depressed? I’m being forced to do the same thing over and over against my will and I am powerless to stop it.
All this silence, all this complicity, all these people just as guilty as the wrongdoers. Is it any wonder nothing changes? People who reach out for help don’t get the help they want, people like LGBT+ youth who just want the bullying to stop but see that society cares nothing to stop homophobia itself, when no one cares and society shows you don’t matter, is it any wonder they take their lives? Look at the messages being given out when it comes to wrongdoings.