Explaining Why I Feel As I Do
Now I talk a lot about this situation with me and this guy named Shawn Suleiman on my Twitter, YouTube, and personal blog and a lot of people have taken it to the extreme by calling me “obsessed”, “a jilted ex-lover” or “crazed ex-lover” without really looking into my background or the homophobia around it that make this a big issue for me.
First and foremost I want to start with the homophobic aspect of the situation: To start off with I was told by a homophobe that I would never get with Shawn because his deity doesn’t approve of homosexual relationships because I had prayed to this deity while I was at the time a Christian and while I no longer am I still stand by the belief that if he’s wrong I’ll end up with the guy. But this is besides the point I want to point out the dangers of letting a homophobe like that be right. Granted a prime example is already out there as doing nothing about homophobia has shown that LGBT+ get bullied, mugged, murdered, commit suicide or put through conversion therapy, you even got supposed “ex-gay” people out there claiming they have “changed” when the reality is they are nothing more than self-homophobic or bisexual and don’t want to admit it.
But not only do we have those issues but we also got it where there are publicly open places that will deny LGBT+ their basic rights, like denying to make a cake for them, denying to marry them, or even denying them access to the bathroom of the gender they identify with. To me allowing a homophobe to appear right and doing nothing about them and letting it go is not worth this torment and torture. I’m not saying life shouldn’t have its difficulties but by God this isn’t a difficulty it’s denying basic human rights because of ignorant religious beliefs and life-threatening. I can give that not all homophobes are like that but if it wasn’t for their beliefs to begin with this wouldn’t be happening.
Let’s also not forget that as it stands same-sex marriage like any other law of the land is not written in stone and can be taken at any time and history has proven this not once but twice. From 1920 to 1933 prohibition use to be law in the United States until it’s repeal. Another example is the overturning of the case that enabled the United States’ interment camps of the Japanese-American, I’m not saying this is a bad ruling by any means I am just using it to make a point so that it clear. So to believe that same-sex marriage is safe is a load of horse-pucky as it can be overturned at any given time and again is letting a homophobe appear right worth that?
Now why am I saying the whole “is it worth letting a homophobe appear right”? well, he’s going to continue teaching his ignorant beliefs that homosexuality is sinful to more people and new generations adding to the already hated bigotry we have now but to him he has “proof” that he is right that homosexuality is sinful and you can’t argue against his point because I’m not with Shawn as he said.
On top of that it’s about making love wrong and I was made wrong for loving Shawn because we are both men and that goes against his beliefs as it’s suppose to be a man and a woman not a man and a man or a woman and a woman and I’ll get more on this below.
Victim Shaming, Blaming and Slandering
I can admit Shawn is not an innocent party in all this as he has made himself look to be a user and an online romance scammer during the time I’ve known him by asking me to either buy him things he has wanted in a game we play together or hinting at things he’s wanted in the game knowing that I’ll do them for him because I am in love with him, whether or not this was his intentions is beyond me but his actions sure make it look like that’s what he has been doing and I’m not saying he is but because I’ve been speaking out about the truth when all I want is for him to keep his word cause despite everything I still love the guy and want to be with him.
Now I have been victim shamed for loving this man regardless and as I mentioned in the above section about how I have been made wrong already by a homophobe for loving him truth be told I don’t want to hear it from anyone else, liberal or conservative, cause it’s saying the same thing just giving a different reason whether it be I’m “obsessed” with him or whatever when the plain and simple fact is I just love the guy and want to be with him and that’s that.
As for the victim blaming, I’m sorry people can come at me all they want for being a grown man who chose to make the purchases for Shawn and you’re right I did but nothing changes the fact if he was taking advantage of my feelings for personal gain, again not saying that was his intentions but still he’s a grown man at the age of 26 soon to be 27 in February he’s responsible for his own wrongful actions over my decent ones.
As for slander I’ve been accused multiple times of assaulting and raping Shawn even though I’ve not ever physically met him, we’ve video chatted once but we have yet to physically meet and as I pointed out in my one video that’s only being said as a means to discredit me for speaking the truth about what’s gone on between us cause anyone with any morals would say that Shawn needs to man up and keep his word about us dating and living together.
I’d also like to point out that I’ve had this done multiple times where I’ve been blamed for another person actions in very extreme situations from child abuse and neglect to molestation to physical abuse to rape.
I pretty much want to say here that for me nothing LGBT+ go through is worth letting a homophobe appear right and be empowered and if I do get with Shawn and the homophobe still wants to deny that he’s wrong at least I know I proved him wrong and can be happy for standing up for myself and all LGBT+.
As for the victim blaming, shaming and slandering, I’ve had enough for a life time as my mother put cause I’ve dealt with that since I was a child and it doesn’t fly with me as an adult, the one thing I can say that’s good that’s come out of this situation because of me loving this man is that I’m learning more and more about myself the longer this goes on why I feel the way I do and why it is so strongly and it’s because I’ve been down this path so many times and I want to go about it a different way and get a different outcome cause I’m no longer that person that’s just gonna sit there and take what life throws at me. I’m gonna turn around, stand up and fight back against this stuff and not be shamed into feeling otherwise cause I’m doing what feels right to me whether people like it or not.
In the end it’s all about my happiness where that’s concerned and if a homophobe gets proven wrong on top of it, well that’s just extra icing on the cake.